CHASED

Hi guys. It has been a minute there! How have you all been? And how are you coping during this torturous but necessary lockdown? So today, I thought to share a very hilarious yet embarrassing story with you all.

So everyone that knows me know that I am extremely cynophobic…

Sunday morning, July 2017, Jalandhar, Punjab, Dorcas and I got ready for church, waited for our shuttle to come pick us to and from church as usual. I had on a green jumpsuit, nude shoes and bag (YES, I LOVE JUMPSUITS AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, 2 OF MY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS HAVE BEEN WHILE WEARING JUMPSUITS. LOL)

In my green jumpsuit that very Sunday.

After the service, we went back home in our shuttle, which was supposed to drop us right at the apartment gate but for one reason or the other, Dorcas and I got off at the Wazir Singh Enclave junction, to purchase food items for the house from the shop at the junction. We bought eggs, dahi and some other things.

We headed out of the store to go home and I was swaying my hips from left to right, feeling myself as I was carrying the eggs. Just as we were about to reach the turning to our place, I sighted a young boy walking a dog and the dog struggled so bad to get off its leash; it was a dog was not let out often, so much so if you walk past their gate, it begins to bark like a digbolugi (rabid dog).

I hurriedly told Dorcas to look at the dog as it was trying to nudge a guy off of his scooter and in that moment, due to my fear of dogs, I began to slowly remove my shoes in order to carry them in my hands so as to japaa (run) in case the dog decided to do were (madness).

Just as I removed the right foot of my shoe, Dorcas said, “Ha, were re o. Were m’a n bo” (The mad dog is coming) in her Lagos-accented Yoruba.

I don’t know how the boy managed to drop the leash in order to close the gate, (WHAT WAS HE THINKING? THAT THE IMPATIENT MAD DOG WOULD WAIT FOR HIM TO LOCK THE GATE?) oh boy, this dog started racing towards us!

Bear in mind that I had only removed one shoe o, we turned back and started running. I began to run like I was in some relay race, with eggs and shoe in my hands, I still had the other shoe on.

Between trying to outrun a wild dog with one foot of my heel shoe on and having the other bare foot on the very hot tarred road; in that moment, who cared? I was not about to let myself be bitten by a mad dog!

I looked back and Dorcas had dashed right to the next compound while, mumu me, I kept running straight, screaming, “Somebody, please help me ooooo!” at the top of my lungs. At one point, I threw the eggs and the shoe in my hands off so I could run faster, but who was I kidding? I fell flat on my back with my head just an inch away from a concrete pavement. Olorun lo yomi (God saved me)

Then out of extreme fear, I threw my hand out just so I could prevent the dog from biting me, all the while still yelling. I looked up and gave the boy a “Please get your dog off me” look but he was doing like one ode. (Idiot) Dorcas too was shaking in her boots where she stood.

Just then, a guy coming on his scooter found a way in-between the dog and me and held it down. It was that time that the boy came running towards us, shaking his head like a bubble head, saying “Sorry Yar” in his Indian accent. Chai! I felt like running up to him and throwing one huge punch into his face.

Dorcas started yelling at him, “What’s wrong with you? Why did you have to let go of the dog just to close the gate when you know it is behaving like a mad dog?” It was in that moment that I realized that my left palm had been badly bruised from the gravity of my fall on the tarred road and also as I crawled backwards.

An elderly couple who heard my scream came down, brought their first aid box and treated my wound and also gave me some water to drink. I looked around and saw awon looky loos (Bystanders/onlookers). In my head, I was like, “So una dey hear me shout and una no fit come rescue me abi?” (So y’all heard my scream and did nothing to help me?)

About 15 minutes later, I was calm, so we stood up to head home. I could not even find my shoes, it was Dorcas that located them and when we got to where I had thrown the eggs, not even one was still intact! Barely 30 minutes later, at home, Dorcas and I recalled the whole scenario, which was by the way 100% embarrassing for me; I laughed the most. Till today, when Dorcas and I remember that incident, we always laugh so hard.

My cynophobia has gotten worse since then. Eyin eyan,aja were yen traumatise me mehn! (I was traumatised by that stupid dog)

CAVEAT:

Please do adhere to all the rules and regulations given by the World Health Organization (WHO) as regards the COVID-19. Stay indoors; it is for our own benefit. It is hard not to move, to be honest, but this measure has been taken to reduce the spread of the Coronavirus, which without mincing words, is spreading rather rapidly.

*Wash your hands with soap and water regularly, for 20 seconds.

* Cough or sneeze inside your elbow.

*Avoid crowded places/ gatherings.

* Avoid KISSING for now!

*Avoid hugging, shaking.

*If you feel you have the symptoms of Coronavirus, please seek medical assistance!

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Till Next Time,

I remain your #SerioulyUnseriousGoofQueen

Gwen ‘Lope