(SOME) RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN!

Oftentimes we are made to abide my some “rules,” just we can “look the part.” Who said you have to look the part? Who said you cannot be your own person and still own your own place in the society?

I do not allow people to dictate what I should and should not do.

After I had posted SCARRED episode 1, someone said, “Ha, babe, you should not be putting that story out there like that. People will gossip and mock you o.”

People already gossip about things based on speculations, it has been like that since the beginning of time, so I might as well give them a real-life story to chew on and at the same time, be a source of inspiration to one or many girls out there, which based on the reviews I got, I was to a lot of people; male and female alike.

It took me a while to figure out that many people often backlash due to their own fears; they speak ill of your actions because you have the courage to do what they are scared to do, so to speak.

If you go right, some will be displeased and if you go left, other will be displeased too, so why not just do what you want to do and stay true to yourself?

CASE IN POINT

When I came back to Nigeria, after my dad’s demise in 2017, in the days leading up to his funeral, we, the children had to perform some burial rites in the village in Ikoro Ekiti.

Later that day, I uploaded some pictures on my WhatsApp status as well as my social media pages, where I wore an ankara dress with a pair of white sneakers. (I’d seen it on a female celeb and I admired the combination so I tried it)

A few weeks after, a friend of mine said, “When I saw that picture of you wearing sneakers with ankara, I laughed ehn. The combo is somehow sha,” I was pained at first, but then I remember how good I felt and looked in it so I just laughed her shades off and blamed it on ignorance and I was right, because these days, it is one of the most prominent fashion trends and I have seen her wear the combination as well.

In my opinion, when it comes to doing some things, there is really no rule book as to the “right or wrong way.” You just gotta do what you gotta do.

CASE NO 2

In the branch of my church where I worship at presently, for a long time, starting from the minute I stepped foot in, I got some disapproving looks, was often approached differently by the “seemingly spiritual” people (LOL) and I was shaded numerous times because I chose to stand out and not be a pretender who desperately wanted to be liked by the pastors.

Might I clearly and boldly add that the general church doctrine, since when I have been a member before leaving Nigeria, has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING against, hair, make up, fancy clothes or jewellery. It is a church where trousers are not frowned upon for women, as long as you are decently dressed. So I do not know why I have to dress shabbily just because I want to look “spiritual.” E gbami o!

For a long time, I was passively judged by a number of people, but trust me, I’d rather people see and learn to like the real me than be someone else entirely in order to get their love. Love yeye wo niyen?

I did not let the shades thrown my way deter me from standing out, instead I stood tall and stood out every chance I got. (COLOR ME REBELLIOUS. LOL)

Honestly I felt a lot people there wore masks to hide their real selves and were afraid to break the cycle; they’d come to church looking like they were going for a funeral but outside, ah, their dolling up no be for here mehn! Ay yi yi!

To me, that was utter pretense! Why would I be someone else in the church and be an entirely different person outside?

I would never go to church dressed seductively, the only skin I have shown to church is my shoulders, because I LOVE me some off-shoulder outfits. I do not think off-shoulders are in any way slutty as long as it is not too low to be worn to the house of God.

Pictures of the off-shoulders I have worn to church. Matter of fact, one of the pics above was taken inside the church and the other one was taken on a Sunday morning at home before church. What offence did I commit?

With time, I stopped letting it get to me. After all, I don’t dress indecently; all I did was to put on false eyelashes and nails with pretty hair, which in my opinion should not be a criteria for criticism, in a church where all these things are not shunned! The Mama of the HQ herself applies beautiful make up, adorns herself in fancy jewellery and carries the most beautiful and lovely hairstyles ever.

CASE NO 3

In 2018, I was a part of the young people's choristers chosen to represent the South-West young peoples’ choir at the annual young peoples’ program at our International HQ in Lagos. We were to minister in a lovely outfit; white jeans, white round neck with a royal blue water fall jacket and black shoes.

To be honest, the outfit was so marvelous but I felt the black shoes would not do it much justice, so I told a friend of mine, who was one of the coordinators, I said, “I do not think we should put on black shoe, I feel white would be much nicer than black and it would do the outfit the justice it deserves” and he strongly disagreed.

I pictured it in my head and the black shoe was not just as appealing to me as the white; although it looked nice still but to me, white shoes would bring out the beauty of the combination.

Nonetheless, I packed black shoes in my box of clothes.

Come the day we were to minister, I felt the urge to go along with what we had been told to wear because I did not want to be different, but in my heart of hearts, I knew that the black shoe would only hide the beauty of the outfit, so I went with my guts and put on my white boots. Lo and behold, I stood out and boy, did I love it!

On the right is the crew and on the left is yours truly.

If everyone keeps going in the same direction and scared to do something different, then the world would be static by now; we are evolving because people have stuck out their necks to do something differently.

There was a time in Nigeria when not many people would jog on the road for the fear of being criticized and stared at by the looky loos, but these days, the turnout of street joggers is appalling; 1 or more persons broke that cycle and gave people the confidence to do that and not be scared. And just like that, people have taken up exercising on the streets and in parks.

Sometimes you might be scared a little to do things the way you see fit but if you keep minding people, you will end up following the multitude for the rest of your life; no thanks to fear.

I love to look different, I love to play around with and try new things with my outfits, hair and what have you.

When I first got to the branch that I worship at now, some people treated me differently because I was not “a child of God” enough to them but in the same vein, I was lauded by many others who saw nothing wrong. I am young t’ori Olorun (For Christ’s sake) I cannot be dressing like one iya agba (Old woman) because I wanted one yeye approval! Ah! K’ojo!

CASE NO 4

I get bored with my hair a lot, I could wake up one day and chop it all off, the next, I may cut the lower part and grow out the upper part. One time, I wanted to tweak a bit, I was discouraged by a few people but I did it anyways, and indeed, the style suited my facial structure and I rocked it so well. I was quite happy I did not listen to the "don't even try it' statements. I almost did not do it because I felt it was somehow but I eventually did it because in all honesty, there was nothing wrong with it! Just because it does not sit well with some people does not mean it is utterly wrong.

P. S: I am NOT endorsing unnecessary rule-breaking, rather I am ADVOCATING that people refuse being jerked around like puppets and to stand out when it feels right to do so. It takes someone to shine the light on something. Do not waste your time listening to nay-sayers.

Till next time, I remain your girl,

Gwen 'Lope..